Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
