I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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