Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
