actually, I'm a sock model
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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