Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
