you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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