I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
