I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When are your genitals available?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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