Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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