I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
