I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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