I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
