I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
