everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
