i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
