Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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