Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
