I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Someone shattered a urinal.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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