i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
