Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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