What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
