So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
