I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
