we're chasing vodka with high fives
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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