You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
