Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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