Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
