Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
