the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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