she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
