so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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