If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
