I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Send help, water and tortillas.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
