Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
