I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
