Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
