They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
