Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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