i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
