Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
