anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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