How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
