not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
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