wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize