dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
