That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
