Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
