I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this just has baby written all over it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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