she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
