Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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