i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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