Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drake has all the answers
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
