How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
