He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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