I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
