dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
