We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
