Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
