what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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