you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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