I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
